I Shoot People

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the current and cant get out?  That’s sort of been my situ for the last few weeks.

I’ve been through these times in my life before…. usually accompanying major life direction changes… and I suppose that’s what’s happening again this time.

It’s good to give you brain a chance to change directions.  Then again I dont think this would take as long if one could just up and do something without having to give notices and make plans that take weeks, and months to take place.

I’ve always lived on a different “time” than most people.  I’m usually up early, and I have to wait for the rest of the world to wake up.  The advent of computers, working at home, and the world wide Internet have made SOME changes to that but local clients seem not to like being awakened early in the morning – so I putter around in the morning before the world gets going, or work on images,  until things start to happen.  If Peggy wasn’t working a 7-4 job I somethings think I’d try living on a different sleep cycle — and perhaps when she retires we may try that.  We’ll see.

But in the meantime it’s just time for me to be a little quiet.

My blog is going to take an abrupt change of direction.  With my wife Peggy deciding to retire we have begun looking at life differently.  The blog will join us on the journey…

Why am I doing this, and even more importantly, why now?

Peggy and I have been married for 42 yrs, 43 this coming December. We will be retiring and preparing for a life on the road (it seems) as of October 1, 2011. It dawned on us yesterday — the day I signed up on MyTripJournal — that we have already spent more time processing the decision to retire and considering our future plans than we did deciding to get married.

IN fact, we met and married within 3 months, I proposed to her by mail, being so indirect as to what I wanted that she had to take the letter to her best friend and ask whether she was understanding what I was really asking. But, being the simple be shrewd woman she is, she said yes but did so repeating my words back to me exactly so that if she had somehow misunderstood (seeing as I did not use the word “marriage”) she could still save face.

We have lived our lives in Milwaukee WI, Chicago IL, Toledo OH, Swanton OH, Aurora IL, and Geneva IL. We almost moved to Eagle Grove IA at the beginning; in fact we had already rented an apartment and decided at the last moment that we really did not want to end up in, of all places, IOWA.

While we have LIVED in a limited number of places, we have travelled to a few more. Like many families we have done our share of road-trip vacations with the family (our one daughter Kathryn), and I have done a lot of traveling for work. Including 4 trips to Europe, several into the Carribbean, and a month long journey Down Under.

I’m a photographer. An artist at heart who has never had the eye hand coordination to paint or draw what I could see with my brain. For several years I have been taking photo-trips alone — while Peggy slogged through her daily job here in town. Over the years I have split my time doing Humanscape photography and Landscape work. But in recent years I have started month long trips to wildlife refuges and have tried my hand at bird photography.

For those of you who have ever been to a national wildlife refuge you know that the roads there aren’t super great and they aren’t the most conveniently located to larger cities or overnight accommodations. Peggy has always been supportive of my passions and we have talked a lot about continuing to do nature & bird photography in retirement — but I have been yearning for something more suitable for those trips than either my 2004 Toyota Matrix or her 2004 Honda CR-V. I drag three large equipment boxes along and just the equipment takes up most of the 39 cu. ft. of storage in the Matrix; leaving precious little for luggage for 1, much less 2.

IT’s good to be surprised

A few weeks ago I picked her up at work and we visited a local RV dealership that sells Roadtrek Class B’s RV’s. I was astounded at her reaction. Here, the woman who had always been the stable and conservative one of the family was not only “open” to RV’ing, she actually found the Roadtrek delightful. The bigger surprise was that she liked the 2011 Roadtrek RS-Adventurous that they had there. A LOT.

This week we took a drive to Sheboygan. Horns RV here has a 2010 Navion for an unbelievable price. We looked at it Saturday and have been spending a lot of time in the intervening hours thinking about it — but in fact, it’s a great price on the WRONG unit for us.

Howso wrong unit? Well, with me weighing in over 300 lbs, I’m not all that keen on sleeping on the Navion’s inflatable primary bed. Also, the unit we saw had the bed immediatley behind the driver (model 24A) and that’s not what we’re looking for. (They also had a Pleasureway Sprinter but the ceiling height on that wasn’t quite enough for me. We’re striking out on all fronts)

Each viewing is helping us refine our needs, and the rest of this first journal will document the search for a solution, the selling of our house — more of that in the next edition, and our prep for life on the road.

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

That’s all I wanted to say.

And now I’m off to finish the dinner preparations, imbibe in a couple glasses of holiday cheer, and settle in for a nice day with a family I love.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you… and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself… and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself… and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties… and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people… and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

Dale Carnegie once said, “It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.  It’s what you think about.”

I don’t think anyone could say it any better than that.  I’ve watched so many friends search tirelessly for happiness by changing jobs, moving to new cities, pursuing intimate relationships, and tweaking all sorts of other external factors in their lives.  And guess what?  They’re still unhappy.  Because they spend all of their time and money adding positive externals to their lives when their internals are still in the negatives.

So with that in mind, here are 75 ways to stay unhappy forever.  Of course, I would highly recommend you read each bullet point and then move swiftly in the opposite direction.

1. Dwell on things that happened in the past.
2. Obsess yourself with all the things that might happen in the future.
3. Complain about problems instead of taking the necessary steps to resolve them.
4. Fear change and resist it.
5. Work hard, do your best and then condemn yourself for not achieving perfection.
6. Belittle yourself.
7. Hang out with other people who belittle you.
8. Try to control everything and then worry about the things you can’t control.
9. Lie to yourself and those around you.
10. Keep doing the same thing over and over again.
11. Be lazy and follow the path of least resistance.
12. Hold onto anger.  Never forgive anyone.
13. Always be right.  Never let anyone else be more right than you.
14. Compare yourself unfavorably to those who you feel are more successful.
15. Let small issues snowball into big problems.
16. Never learn anything new.
17. Never take responsibility for your own actions.
18. Blame everyone around you.
19. Don’t ask for directions and don’t ask questions.
20. Don’t let anyone help you.
21. Quit when the going gets tough.
22. Be suspicious.  Trust no one.
23. Get four hours of sleep every night and convince yourself that it’s enough.
24. Never throw anything way.  Even if you don’t use it, hold onto it.
25. Say “yes” to everyone.  Fill all your time with commitments.
26. Try to be everyone’s friend.
27. Multitask, multitask, multitask!  Do everything at once.
28. Never spend any time alone.
29. Don’t help others unless you have to.  Do only the things that benefit you directly.
30. Hang out with people who complain about everything.
31. Focus on what you don’t want to happen.
32. Fear the things you don’t fully understand.
33. Always seek external validation before you consider yourself good enough.
34. Take everything and everyone in life seriously.
35. Spend your life working in a career field you aren’t passionate about.
36. Focus on the problems.
37. Think about all the things you don’t have.
38. Read or watch lots of depressing news from broadcast media.
39. Set lofty goals for yourself and never do anything to achieve them.
40. Never exercise.
41. Only eat junk food and fried food.
42. Never check-up on your health.
43. Setup your lifestyle so it revolves around money.
44. Spend more than you earn and rack up lots of financial debt.
45. Don’t say what you mean.  Don’t mean what you say.
46. Frown.
47. Never tell anyone how you feel or what you’re thinking.
48. Make sure everything you do impresses someone else.
49. Always put your own needs on the back burner.
50. Get involved in other people problems and make them your own.
51. Make others feel bad about themselves.
52. Watch TV for several hours every day.
53. Gamble often.
54. Stay in the same place.  Don’t travel.
55. Don’t play, just work.
56. Let your hobbies go.
57. Let your close relationships go.
58. Never finish what you start.
59. Take everything personally.
60. Do lots of drugs.  Drink lots of alcohol.
61. Never say, “I’m sorry.”  Never say, “I love you.”
62. Don’t work hard at anything.
63. Always wait until the last minute.
64. Believe that, no matter what, you are entitled to things.
65. Let others make decisions for you.
66. Remember the insults.  Forget the compliments.
67. Let it all bottle up inside.
68. Rely on others for everything.
69. Fail to plan.
70. Don’t dream.
71. Don’t think about the future at all.
72. Always disregard other people’s opinions and suggestions.
73. Make promises you can’t keep.
74. Don’t decide on anything, ever.
75. Just keep going and going and going.  And never ever stop.

And now that you know what not to do, let me tell you a secret about happiness.  Nobody is happy all of the time.  It’s perfectly normal to experience considerable fluctuations in your level of happiness from day to day, month to month, and even year to year.

In fact, according to a recent scientific study, overall levels of happiness decline from one’s teens until one’s 40s and then pick up again until they peak in one’s early 70s.  So the chances are that your happiest days are yet to come.  Hopefully that gives you something to smile about.

Today was a pretty wonderful day. After a night in a good friends bed (no, not that way) we had a great breakfast and time to get caught up on all that has happened in the last year.

Then back in the car and heading south. Found a new way around St. Louis (I hate I-55 through downtown), and then cross country on a few miscellaneous roads through back country MO and AR.

There is something stangely bizarre about listening to the King of High C’s while wandering around the home of hill billies and sweet tea…. but hey — iPods are wonderful and the wind’ers of the car were just a vibratin’ with the full watts of our stereo.

Top the day off with some real slow cooked Q and life dont get much better.

More tomorrow.

I’ve been goofing off the last several weeks; no blog entries, no new images, but a lot of hard work.
Peggy’s gotten to the point in life where she’s thinking about retiring and we’ve been re-evaluating a lot of things about our life; including how much I work and where I spend those hours. To my personal dismay I’ve been spending a lot of hours lately taking a good hard look at our finances, our investments, and all that “junk” that artists never like to even think about.
Just where the two of us will come down on it all has yet to be written. But it’s been a good conversation and one which, frankly, we have never thought much about — I enjoy what I do, Peg likes getting out of the house — and on some levels we just blindly thought about work. But the idea of an end to alarm clocks is really appealing.
I haven’t done an art shoot in about a month now — and it will be at least that long before I spend much time in the studio again. I WILL be scheduling some shoots the week between Christmas and New Year — if you are interested — let me know – Only a few days in there and I’m sure they’ll go fast.
But, for today, it’s a 5 hour drive. Hope I got all my chores done…..

Owen Shifflett wrote a post on Viget.com that made the rounds. It got rounds and rounds of kudos and attaboys. Owen’s title – How Inspiration Killed – Then Ate – Creativity, says it all. It lays the blame for the death of creativity (I didn’t get the memo on this one, but moving on…) at the feet of our need for inspiration and the usual imitation and derivation that occurs in its wake.

Here are my thoughts. Consider them thunk for your consumption and discussion. Comments, as always, are open.

1. This is a case of mistaken identity. What we now call the phenomenon of inspiration is often Inspiration’s doppleganger, Imitation. To be clear about this, Inspiration means to inspire. It means to breathe in, it is the gathering of raw materials. Before we engage in any creative endeavor we must have raw materials. The more we increase our inputs the more raw materials we have to engage the “what if?” of creative processes. What we do with that in-spiration is up to us. We can incubate the stuff, work within constraints, and do something true and unique (hard road) or we can peel the skin off the old stuff and make it look new, look like ours. But faulting an essential part of the creative process for our natural inclination to take the easy road isn’t helpful.

2. Everything is derivative. Ultimately there is nothing that is not created in the context of other stuff. We see two things, combine them and juxtapose them to create something new. We see something we don’t like and we react and move in the opposite direction. But to advocate a creativity free from true inspiration is a step in the wrong direction, which, by the way, is not what I believe Shifflett is suggesting. I think he’s simply using the word the way so many do and in doing so making his point well to those that use it that way. The danger is that in so-doing we villainize an important part of the creative process and suddenly we’re heading in the same direction Owen is arguing against – the death of creativity.

3. Adapt but don’t Adopt. What is needed is an adaptive approach to creative processes, not an adoptive one. In the words of Bono – every poet is a cannibal, every artist is a thief. We all draw from sources outside ourselves. The challenge is in finding your own voice, in adapting elements, thoughts, processes – whatever – and not not in adopting them. One strips former things down, re-purposes them, combines them with parts from myriad other sources still, and takes us to a different place than when we started. The other just likes what he sees, gets “inspired”, steals the original idea, and makes it his own with a can of spray paint. One is creative, results in something new and comes from the in-spiration of many sources; the other is just imitation and while it might well be the first step in learning your craft, it won’t get you any further.

4. Inspiration Comes From Working. Inspiration, in the rare sense that it appears like that bolt from the blue (it never is, but let’s pretend) still comes from working. It doesn’t come from flipping through a book looking for an idea. It comes from putting your camera in your hand and being honest with yourself, and learning your craft, embracing your constraints.

In case it’s not clear, I’m advocating (I think) for the same thing Owen Shifflett is, but I think I want the word Inspiration back. I’d rather re-align our use of the word to its original meaning than cave in to a popular use that leads us in the wrong direction. The more we understand how creative processes work, particularly our own process, and that includes a proper understanding of inspiration or increasing our inputs (and then using them for good and not for evil) the more life and breath we give to our creativity. Creativity is far from death, but if we deny it the need to breathe in and out we’re stepping closer to the morgue.

5. Widen Your Sources: I think there’s another issue here and that’s where we go to find our inspiration. If our primary source of inspiration is other photographers then I think our work becomes not only more derivative than usual, but we begin to draw from a thinner gene pool and, well, y’all know how that turns out. No one wants to see the results of our artistic in-breeding. We should be drawing from the widest pool, breathing in the purest air. By all means see what other photographers have done in order to learn from them, but when it comes to filling our creative wells, it might just be best to drill into the deeper, purer sources, not just the groundwater downstream from everyone else.

For creatives, the definition of the word “inspiration” has lost its meaning. It’s no longer a spark of intuition to solve the uniqueness in a problem, but a search for the current and complacent solutions created by others.  As a creative collective the term “inspiration” has driven us to become lethargic to the realities, foundations, and intentions of our chosen craft.

The misinterpretation of inspiration is bred into our culture. In school we are taught by the examples of others, given information to digest and remember, instead of being handed problems to analyze and interpret on our own. As children we are taught to fear failure and to learn from the mistakes of others instead of experiencing them first hand. Many times curriculums centered around creativity and exploration are pushed out of the way to make room for ones rooted in practical application and applied theory. An example of this logic is painfully evident in design schools that focus more time on learning design applications than nurturing creative exploration and development.